It cuts me deeply. This way of life. It shakes my very soul to have to hand over my son as he wails, kicks, and screams that he doesn't want to be handed away. I have this fear that if I keep doing this to him, he will lose faith in me. For the past month since that first incident where he didn't go willingly, lil man has been clingy and aggressive. And persistent with the whining.
This breaks my heart. I'm all over the place with my emotions. This can't be how God wanted Isaac to live his life. I know there are probably millions of kids around the world in the same position or maybe even worse, but this is my baby. My miracle baby. I carried him for nine months, felt his karate kicks in my womb, listened to his heart from his beginnings. I worried about him from the start. And just as it was then, even now I'm afraid he could just disappear and not be real. I prayed with all my soul for God to let him be okay in the end. He is far more precious than anything I could possess here on Earth.
Maybe he'll adjust eventually. Maybe he'll have his ups and downs. But it will always hurt to see those eyes looking back at me in such sadness and with such a look of betrayal. Dear Lord, please be with my baby. Please let him know how much I love him.
This breaks my heart. I'm all over the place with my emotions. This can't be how God wanted Isaac to live his life. I know there are probably millions of kids around the world in the same position or maybe even worse, but this is my baby. My miracle baby. I carried him for nine months, felt his karate kicks in my womb, listened to his heart from his beginnings. I worried about him from the start. And just as it was then, even now I'm afraid he could just disappear and not be real. I prayed with all my soul for God to let him be okay in the end. He is far more precious than anything I could possess here on Earth.
Maybe he'll adjust eventually. Maybe he'll have his ups and downs. But it will always hurt to see those eyes looking back at me in such sadness and with such a look of betrayal. Dear Lord, please be with my baby. Please let him know how much I love him.
1 comment:
Post a Comment