Loves his cucumbers!!
Potty w/daddy
Feeding Speckles
So precious!
Peanut butter jelly time
Wow. It's been a while since I've written a blog and shared some thoughts on my life thus far. Yup, we've officially quit trying to make a baby and concentrating on other things at this point. Like rekindling our relationship. I know Jimmy and I have a spectacular relationship and we ARE completely each other's best friends. And we're the sit back on the couch and watch a movie together kinda couple. No big dates, no fancy gifts...just us, our arms, and the tube. But the whole miscarriage crap, I think, kind of put a strain on things between him and I. And I think I'm mostly to blame for the distance with my assumptions on how he measures me as a woman, being that I am quite BARREN at the moment. And I'm going to cry as I type this, but Jimmy has been tremendously understanding and dealt with my mood swings so well, I truly believe he needs a reward or some kind of recognition from some coalition of fathers. HA! The way my moods have been swinging at him, I am appalled he hasn't punched me yet. My dearest Jimmy, how you bear my burdens with me. I am promising now to become an even better friend, wife and companion because I am sure I wasn't the only one suffering.
Isaac is now two years old! How did that one sneak up on me so fast? I don't know but Isaac knows he is two and he is acting every bit of a two year old as he can. He threw one of his toys at our window in our room the other evening because daddy POLITELY informed him it was bedtime. Yeah and it BROKE. Wow. Although, these windows are made of the cheapest and thinnest variety glass in the US of A!! But the tantrums aren't really that bad. Just on the verge of super annoying. I love watching him grow but at the same time there's that bittersweetness behind that pride. Yes, he is growing but how sad that it's so fast and it just tugs at your heart a teeny weeny bit to know he's growing so independant. I make an effort to slow it down by taking pictures and videos to have forever so that it doesn't seem so obtrusively fast. Looking back on those baby pictures though, he doesn't look too much like his infant self. He is loud but so am I so go figure. He is stubborn but so is his father. A little of both of us in that kid and so much more. :)~
Isaac is now two years old! How did that one sneak up on me so fast? I don't know but Isaac knows he is two and he is acting every bit of a two year old as he can. He threw one of his toys at our window in our room the other evening because daddy POLITELY informed him it was bedtime. Yeah and it BROKE. Wow. Although, these windows are made of the cheapest and thinnest variety glass in the US of A!! But the tantrums aren't really that bad. Just on the verge of super annoying. I love watching him grow but at the same time there's that bittersweetness behind that pride. Yes, he is growing but how sad that it's so fast and it just tugs at your heart a teeny weeny bit to know he's growing so independant. I make an effort to slow it down by taking pictures and videos to have forever so that it doesn't seem so obtrusively fast. Looking back on those baby pictures though, he doesn't look too much like his infant self. He is loud but so am I so go figure. He is stubborn but so is his father. A little of both of us in that kid and so much more. :)~
my two year old =]
Not much else happening in my life. I am reading more, thanks to Rhaissa. Ah, my girl keeps me young and current because I'm the kind of person, if you let me sit, I will age and become dated. Right now, I'm reading the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Started on book #5 last night or was it the night before?? I'm not sure, the nights are blending because I'm so into the series. Haha! There's a whole list of books now on my waiting list- all fantasy/paranormal material. I'm looking forward to reading the Sweeps series being a person interested in witches and wizards...could that be because I'm "Sabrina, the teenage witch?" I don't know, but I've got my book of spells so watch out! Hehe.
I am looking for part time work as well. Money is getting tight...stretched thin. And while we're surviving, it would be nice to have some extra cash so as not to stretch ourselves too thinly and to have some extra to put away. With a kid, you just want to be prepared. I've applied at Target and I think maybe I would prefer to work there- discount incentives?? LOL. Looking mostly for evening and weekend gigs but we shall see. I would rather not put Isaac in any daycare programs because the whole point is to save money..not spend right when we get it.
Anywho, life is mostly good and I am truly happy now that I'm letting myself relax and refocus. Hope all is well with everyone else out there.
Life
Life is full of challenges. I know I've had my set of challenges lately...and I'm pulling through okay I suppose. I don't know how many more miscarriages I can handle...so we're not trying anymore and are doing what we can to prevent and wait maybe a couple more years before trying again. It's truly disappointing and heart wrenching to have to lose in such a way. All your wishes seem to be in line and in good order. You witness the miracle of an embryo's heartbeat and a week later you find that your lil miracle has no heartbeat. How do you cope with that? I don't know how I did it but I did it. And I have to; I have no choice but to do so for the sake of the family I have now. And what a family I do have! My boys motivate me to become better, stronger and braver than I have even been in my life. And these miscarriages are only refining me that much more hand in hand with my faith.
At first I felt like the Lord was punishing me, being exceptionally cruel to me. But that is not my deepest belief. I know me and so does my Heavenly Father. I want what I want when I want it and being the perfect Father that He is, He is diligent in my life, watching my every move, tending my every need as seen fit for my life. So as I kneel in prayer, I know He is watching over me and has not let me down. Who am I to question His divinity? What do I know of the things of life except the things I have chosen to know? The world, the universe is filled with knowledge of which I probably am only aware of some tiny, insignificant portion. So I am okay and I've been sufficiently humbled by all that has transpired
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