Life is full of challenges. I know I've had my set of challenges lately...and I'm pulling through okay I suppose. I don't know how many more miscarriages I can handle...so we're not trying anymore and are doing what we can to prevent and wait maybe a couple more years before trying again. It's truly disappointing and heart wrenching to have to lose in such a way. All your wishes seem to be in line and in good order. You witness the miracle of an embryo's heartbeat and a week later you find that your lil miracle has no heartbeat. How do you cope with that? I don't know how I did it but I did it. And I have to; I have no choice but to do so for the sake of the family I have now. And what a family I do have! My boys motivate me to become better, stronger and braver than I have even been in my life. And these miscarriages are only refining me that much more hand in hand with my faith.
At first I felt like the Lord was punishing me, being exceptionally cruel to me. But that is not my deepest belief. I know me and so does my Heavenly Father. I want what I want when I want it and being the perfect Father that He is, He is diligent in my life, watching my every move, tending my every need as seen fit for my life. So as I kneel in prayer, I know He is watching over me and has not let me down. Who am I to question His divinity? What do I know of the things of life except the things I have chosen to know? The world, the universe is filled with knowledge of which I probably am only aware of some tiny, insignificant portion. So I am okay and I've been sufficiently humbled by all that has transpired
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