Vent a bit

So tonight one of my loyal blog readers inquired about my absence in the blog world. How sweet is that? I really do have followers! Who actually follow my ridiculous blogs! So I'd like to take a moment to thank my readers whether you read every entry, every other entry, or have only read one entry...thank you for taking time out of your busy day to listen to my crazy rants, my insufferable ravings, and unwitty observations. I know that most of you have more important things to do or actually sleep rather than "stalk" blogs way into the early morning hours like I do.

Well, San Antonio this week was incredibly cool, and I must say, I loved it! It's made running in the evenings more enjoyable and bearable. I'm up to 5 miles non-stop. And I love the soft, slow breeze flowing through my  hair as I hear my shoes thud-thud against the pavement. But I did go and see my doctor Thursday morning due to some excruciating leg pains and impeding migraines. And he's increased my aspirin and asked me to slow down on the running because of the risk of clots and then also bleeding to death (due to the blood thinners) if I were to fall or trip and hurt myself badly. So basically he said don't be too active, but don't be too dormant either. Scowly face. I dislike happy median. <---is that the phrase? (American idioms are beyond me but I try to use them to be relate-able to well.....Americans.) Anywho, I'm still running despite the doctor's orders. I'll just have to go buy sturdier shoes, and football pads. 

And now onto the issue on my mind. I'm not sure how to put this because I'm still sorting through my thoughts on this topic. I will start by saying children are precious. Children are miracles and are worth more than all the gold, silver and money in all the universes that exist. Before lil man came into my life, I was a much different person. I was selfish. I was concerned for me. I was careless. Self absorbed. Needy. Wishy-washy. I was concerned with material things...the physical aspect of life and never gave a thought to my spirituality or my Creator. But the day I saw that heartbeat on the monitor, starring at the little kidney bean shaped figure, I felt the change inside. In my heart. In my Spirit. And then in my whole being. My existence took on a new meaning. Isaac Anthony changed all of me through and through. Then I held him and met him for the very first time in my arms. It was magical, as I always say and tell people. There is nothing in life that can re-create those feelings, those first moments with your child. And it was then that God became real for me. It was at that moment that I felt a fraction of His love for me as I felt a great love grow in my heart for this little being, resting in my arms. Literally from that moment on, 99.9% of my thoughts involve Isaac. What is right for him...what is good for him. What is the BEST for him. What is the safest. What is the funnest. What his likes/dislikes are. I make every preparation for him so that I am sure he is fed, clothed, and in good health. 

And with that, I wonder what it is like for fathers. What kind of changes do they go through? And I know that most fathers want the best for their kids as well. But some fathers, it makes me wonder how they could make the choices they make, knowing it will effect their kids and have no thoughts of the consequences. Yes, recent actions by lil man's father has me thinking about these things. More and more I'm realizing I just can't be nice and give him the benefit of the doubt. I just have to go on taking care of OUR kid on my own and not depend on him if he's going to keep making these choices. Choices that put lil man in harms way. They seem like minor things to him and maybe a part of this creepy society we are living in, but for me, they are crimes of malice against your own flesh and blood. And it makes me loathe the judicial system as far as child support and family law. Supposedly, child support and visitation are separate entities and do not effect the other. So if he were to say, Oh, I don't feel like sending any child support in for a certain period of time...that's fine, he still has the right to visitation with his son. Which, to me, essentially means he does not have to carry any of the responsibility as a parent, but he can have all the same privileges as the other parent who is working their but off to make ends meet, raise the kid, and keep food on the table even though he is completely capable of playing a supporting role in the child's life. But if I were to try and deny visitation just once...BAM! I land myself in jail or face some stupid fines because you know, a single mother can afford fines. This not only makes me shake my head vehemently but it also makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. (hee hee Rhaissa?)

Oh well. On with life. Roll with the punches, I guess. In the end, what I desire most is to make sure I am doing right by my son and giving him more opportunities to succeed than I had and help him go down a better path than I did. He is so incredibly smart. He is spelling now...just a few small, simple words. He knows how to spell his name. He is doing some adding and subtracting. And he knows more than the basic shapes and primary colors. He is a talker. He talks and talks and talks and talks. Sometimes I find myself sighing because I never get to say anything. LOL. 

And finally, I wrote a little bit more of the story I've been working on here but don't have enough time to type it up and post tonight. I will probably do this tomorrow. So yes, my readers. Just a boring blog to update a little bit on things in my personal life. Then tomorrow, Riley will treat you with a lil sumthin sumthin!

Sometimes you just wanna do this to someone

Cuz they just are so dumb....ya know?