On the edge of darkness and ruin. The mind on the brink of oblivion, wasting away on regrets of the past. There is a void. It fills and empties. Satisfies and disappoints. And though a smile breaks up the sullen face, in the eyes there is a cloud. Gray and wasted. Exhausted and tired. Grief prevails. Hopelessness triumphs. If not for the little corners of sunshine, all would be obscure, gloomy, devoid of happiness. Hope stands at the point of a sword, a sword ready to strike and kill. She lifts her arms to the heavens, a pleading in her bosom. Grasping for relief. For understanding. To belong. To be wanted and cared for. On her knees, imploring for a glimmer of peace. She gazes up past her fingertips to the stars, seeking a sign, waiting for a confirmation. For that still small voice to whisper assurances, to guide, to lead to a better, more empathetic place. A place she knew in her soul to be home.
“A piece of Heaven on Earth, if you please! Whoever you are! Wherever you are! Whatever your schemes for my life! Just a smidgen of worry free moments!”
Tears streamed as she choked on her breathe, and coughed up her sorrows. She withdrew her arms, folded them neatly in her lap and bowed her head, closing her eyes, warm, salty tears still rolling down her cheeks, smearing her face with her mascara. Still praying. Still pleading in her heart. Still on her knees as her breathe quickened and her heart beat riotously.
“Will you not erase this hurt from my heart, and deaden my senses but for a day! What sin doth thou punish me for? What wrong requires a consequence so strenuous to the heart and soul! Lord, help me! Lord, ease my heart? Take this hurt. I’ve known it too well these past months. I do not wish to know it further!” she pounds her chest and while still kneeling, lays her forehead to the ground, a sob escaping her throat.
Her breathing eases. Her tears dry. Her heart slows, becomes steady. Everything returns as it was as her body remained sprawled on the floor. Even the void quietly settles in a far, far corner in her soul. Calm embraces her though a few tears still struggle to escape the corners of her blood shot eyes. She lays there with her knees and face planted in the yucky beige carpet and just breathes. In. Out. In and out. Deeper. Longer. And deeper until the air becomes different around her. More relaxed. The light around her is brighter but softer. Her limbs aren’t as heavy and her shoulders become lax. And soon, she falls asleep, lying there, lips parted and eyes rolling in slumber.
***************
Chapter One
With one babe baking in the oven, two little toddler boys under three, and a five year old girl trailing her every move, Sue Lynn felt slightly overwhelmed and bewildered. But no one on the outside of her skin and mind would guess that. Her composure and firm smile told a different story. One luggage bag for all three of them. Packed her life and her three young kids’ belongings in one bag, making the long trek across the Pacific to be here in the United States of America, where her children could dream big and work for more than dirt. She hoisted the younger boy up higher on her hip, took a deep breath, and walked through the airport in silence. Her children echoed her silence, each deep in their own little thoughts, encompassing all that surrounded them. Gazing at the different array of people. Tall and short. Round, rotund and skinny poles. White and black. Asian and Indian. The black and white children took on more interest to them than the brown ones. Brown children they’d seen. White children they knew of but black children. They couldn’t help but to stare. Sue Lynn put a stop to that with one firm word and one firm look. They were obedient and revered their mother. They could feel her vibes and today would not be a day to mess with her or act foolish.
They finally reached the door leading out and stopped, Sue Lynn’s gaze sweeping the area, searching. Her heart skipped a little beat, thinking he might not be here. A silly notion but it’d been so long. Would he recognize her. And there he was. Short, lanky fellow, walking towards her and the children. Wide jaw, straight square teeth smiling at them. Their pace quickened and soon all five were embracing, hugging, and kissing. All speaking at once.
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