Ramble Ramble Ramble

I dislike the Saturdays that I have to go into work. It's such a pointless day. Although today, the numbers were so much better for a Saturday. Usually they're crap. Which is what makes it slightly worthless to sit in the office to babysit people, basically. This week was a strenuous week with a lot of frustrations and disappointments. Got the second rejection from the second publisher. So I'm wondering if I really should seriously go back to school and take some courses to see if that'll improve whatever it is that is hindering my getting published. Although one publisher politely suggested that I consider writing a piece geared towards today's popular genre...the whole new genre of VAMPIRE lore.... which have become so abundant..I'm sick of 'em. Charlaine Harris and Stephanie Moyer were all I could handle. Oh and the Black Dagger Brotherhood; I can't remember the author. 

I don't know what is I really want to write about. I have so far five chapters of one bit I'm working on...but I'm not really sure where it's going or where it's taking me. I just type late at night, letting the creative part of my brain just shoot away. All through the night, you'll hear the keys clicking softly away, and I'll feel myself diving deeper and deeper, my mind spinning into the scenes....the layers of the story. And I find myself on most occasions, waking up not really remembering what I've written. But feeling drained mind and soul. And feeling as though there's a glow about me...kind of like the gleam of sweat after a long, steady but taxing run.  My mind, these days, is always spinning with thoughts. Every kind of thought. From worrying about meeting the bills for the month and wondering when I will get out of this paycheck to paycheck rut. To how well my son is really doing in daycare, and how he is developing mentally, physically, and spiritually. And added to that, is my worry about this crazy doctor wanting to put me through a battery of tests to figure out if I really just have APS-antiphospholipid syndrome, or if it's something more serious like LUPUS. All these worries stack and stack and stack. 

But I'm doing well. I'm surviving, and surviving is all I can do in my situation. In my position. I dunno. I'm rambling. I had an encounter on the phone with a new patient.  A patient I know personally. Too personally. A person that can bring up a slew of memories and emotions I don't care to deal with right now. So I think that's effecting my mood now...this brooding mode I seem to be in. Of all dental offices there are in San Antonio, she had to pick my office. She had to call and say her name. And I played it off well enough, but it picked at me the rest of the day. Here she is again in my life all of a sudden. And I'm not sure how I should feel or react. So I'm going to hide and not confront the situation. Running....