The Begger and the Good Intentioned

There is a war waging in my mind and spirit. I feel the strain always of my mind pulling, tugging in every which way, carrying me over, under, through, around, and across every fork and bend in a river. My thoughts stem out like veins in a single leaf, ever reaching, stretching, and yearning for what? I'm not sure. The choices of life...so intricate, weaving ever so delicately. Turn one way and you could change the world for the better. Turn another way and the world could burn in agony, misery, and utter devastation. The fight between dark and light. Good and evil. Right and wrong. 

Today I passed a bum on the overpass. Hair disheveled. Skin leathery and burned from standing in the sun all day, with his knobby hands grasping a cardboard sign. His face creased with wrinkles. His shirt dirty and ripped. And I wondered at the choices he made to get him where he stood now. What was his story? And I in my SUV, pondered at my responsibility for this man. I am a part of the same world he is; we walk and talk the same, breathe the same air. I don't know his story. He may have put himself in this predicament. He may be a scam working among a network of scum. And yet I followed my instinct to roll my window down and extend two wrinkled, tattered dollar bills and a picture of Christ. Was that not so Christian of me? And yet, I knew that I felt, no matter what choices this man made in the past,(and he may use the bills I gave for all the wrong reasons),  I wanted to give him something. There was a look in his eyes that said a million things: Life is hard. I made some stupid choices. I don't want to stand here. Its so blazing hot out here. I wanted to ask him what's your story? What more can I do to help? 

And then when I drove off, my thoughts took a different turn. Didn't he deserve the life he chose? He put himself there. And by giving him what little money I gave him, was I not perpetuating the situation? Like spoiling a baby. Indulgence? What if he was scamming? Playing on my compassion? My inherent nature as a woman to want to take care of the needy, the poor, and sick. To rescue the lost, the abandoned, and weak. And I fell for his pitiful plea. Was it a real plea for help? I sat to eat my lunch, after a conversation on the phone with a friend and wondered at the choices we make in life. And I pondered my choice to extend my compassion to this man I didn't know, begging on the streets. I made the choice to reach out. Now it is up to him. It is in his hands and in God's hands. Good intentions. And good deeds never go unpunished...isn't that the saying? We shall see.