I feel fat because I am getting fat!

I should have listened all those years people warned me to be careful with my eating habits and work out habits. I was like whatever! Look at me! I eat and it's like I've eaten nothing because I'm still like zero pounds wearing size zero everything. I remember working in that restaurant for retired, old hot shots with a lot of money and saying good-bye to this skinny, little old Asian lady, and right before she stepped out the door, she said to me in a very Asian way.."You're cute. But don't get fat. It look ugly on short girls." I was, at first, appalled but brushed it off.

Well! There isn't a day in my aging years where I don't think about that little old Asian lady as I stare at my reflection in the mirror, wondering how this fabulous, delicious flab started to appear. BUT I know exactly what it is...I am a PIG. In public, I hide it. But by myself, by the illuminating, flashing lights of the television, I pig out. All day long, I munch with my son. It used to be healthy stuff...but lately chips, popcorn, tortillas rolled in butter because I'm just too lazy..junk food is so much easier and ready in that moment. I started working out last month, but I have no discipline. Like what is wrong with me!! And I've just grown disappointed in me. Being fat isn't so bad...it's being short and fat that irritates me. The only thing that could make this extra weight look okay is if I was taller, even if it's just a freaking inch, or if I had some nice big jugs to take attention away from this atrocious gut! And it's not just the outward, physical appearance that bothers me anymore either. I feel like crap. Lazier. Moodier. Irrational.

So here's what I've done. I found a picture of me in my skinnier (and healthier) days and taped that on my mirror. Then I printed out a picture of me and how I look today with just a bra and underwear. Yeah. I let all that flab and gut hang out all exposed. So that I can walk by the two pictures everyday... to remind myself I've become a PIG. And I walk by my mirror often. Fight the urges, girl! Work that fat butt off. Billy Banks is my new best friend. I'll be spending my spare time running on my treadmill. I threw out all the junk food and bought fresh produce. Goodbye flab! So long gut! HAHAHA. All in time for the holidays! I'm a crazy pig!