An Old Post Revisted
I am reminded by many around me that my focus is not where it should be. I am too dependent on my own understanding of how things should be, well rather how I think things should be at this stage in my life. I must finally admit that Isaac is indeed a miracle and blessing from my Heavenly Father and also a lesson at the same time. I would be a fool not to accept this. From my mother, to my sister, to the speakers in church; God uses them all to send me a message, He is snapping His fingers in my face. HELLO, daughter...listen. And I am listening.
Jacob 2:18-19: "But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God. And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ, ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good, to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted."
I would love to have more children. Isaac fills my heart and I love the spirit he brings into our home; he lights up my world and I can only imagine what a house full of children would be like. And while my desire is righteous, my focus is still selfish...I haven't put God first and I do believe that our future depends on the readiness that we the chosen mothers possess. The world is falling rapidly into a secular, more carnal state, perishing under the basest of our manly natures. Instant gratification...immediate satisfaction. No thought to our eternal, immortal potential. Even devout Christians fall into the "trends" the fads. Bling bling. The hottest item. The new thing. The latest fashion. The upgrades. The rad video games. All of it will mean nothing in the next life. In the next stages of our growth. We are leaving behind good values...and forgetting God in our lives.
I believe I will be mother to many children but all in good time. I need to seek after the righteousness of the Lord and have Faith that He will listen to my righteous desires once I have proven that I am ready to be more selfless. To strengthen my Spirit because I have a feeling those who are coming down to earth are going to be some very special people and I am responsible for guiding them. And how can I guide them when I don't follow the beacons the Lord places in my life? Yes, I think I need to re-focus.
Jacob 2:18-19: "But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God. And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ, ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good, to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted."
I would love to have more children. Isaac fills my heart and I love the spirit he brings into our home; he lights up my world and I can only imagine what a house full of children would be like. And while my desire is righteous, my focus is still selfish...I haven't put God first and I do believe that our future depends on the readiness that we the chosen mothers possess. The world is falling rapidly into a secular, more carnal state, perishing under the basest of our manly natures. Instant gratification...immediate satisfaction. No thought to our eternal, immortal potential. Even devout Christians fall into the "trends" the fads. Bling bling. The hottest item. The new thing. The latest fashion. The upgrades. The rad video games. All of it will mean nothing in the next life. In the next stages of our growth. We are leaving behind good values...and forgetting God in our lives.
I believe I will be mother to many children but all in good time. I need to seek after the righteousness of the Lord and have Faith that He will listen to my righteous desires once I have proven that I am ready to be more selfless. To strengthen my Spirit because I have a feeling those who are coming down to earth are going to be some very special people and I am responsible for guiding them. And how can I guide them when I don't follow the beacons the Lord places in my life? Yes, I think I need to re-focus.
Musketeers
Okay. So I'm having "a night." Where the creative juices are mixing and swirling but don't want to come together to make the whole...to determine a flavor. How is it that all day my mind has been flowing with ideas for this and that plot in this and that story but I get home and ZILCH. NADA. ZIP. I take out my notes and I can't organize anything. Not one single paragraph. Not even a single complete sentence. Too much going on, short stuff. I think that's what it is....I just got too much up in this noggin of mine. I can feel it. Feel the spark coming to the end of it's line and I think I'm going to explode soon. And I'm not too sure it's going to be a "good" explosion. I'm either going to implode with the most genius idea ever and it'll be riveting or I'll burst out with nothing compelling and it'll be just crap work, worth........well,worth crap. My emotions are running high and thin. My thoughts are all over the place. And I just feel fatigued (cuz you're up at the butt crack of dawn, missy, trying to be a genius, ya non-genius person!!). SO, when I run out of ideas and I'm feeling like a worthless piece of shitake mushroom, what do I do? Watch a movie or read/write in my journal. I did both tonight! Yep, MAJOR writer's block.
So the movie tonight? Beaches with Bette Midler. I have never seen it before. And I will just say this: I'll be sure to lay on heavy with the eye makeup tomorrow because these big, round orbs are looking like puff balls right now. And it'll be worse in the morning, I assure you. And of course, after seeing a movie like this, it made me think of all my wonderful best friends. Yes, I have more than one because I'm fantabulous like that (in my mind I am and that's all that matters, you judgmental unknowns<--and I love that it's spelled with "mental" in this word; appropriate, don't ya think?). Yes, my friends. The best of the best. My three musketeers. I don't have the luxury of knowing friends from kindergarten and on. Moving around with dad in the military didn't give us much time to make and keep friends. But I have three awesome ladies that I've kept in touch with through the years since high school and on. And if you look at my phone and stalk my Facebook, these three ladies never stop "bothering" me!! They are namely, Rhaissa, Kimberly, and Savannah. Oh em gee, yes I did. I NAMED them. Because when I watched this movie, they were the first three that popped in my head. They are my Hilary's and CC's. We don't always agree. We are not at all alike...not too much. We all live super different lives. But boy these girls make me laugh, cry, rejoice, drive me nuts, and are always around. I can't get rid of them! Sheesh! Because I wouldn't choose to anyway. Ugh BEST FRIENDS...that's such a high school thing. Ah, but you don't understand. These ladies. They know me frontwards and backwards. They know my moods. My cycles. My hibernation periods. They know my imperfections. They know my thought patterns. They laugh at my idiocy. They lay it on thick with reality checks. They support and caution. They advise. They have been with me through the roughest parts of my life and I can truly count on them. And that is a serious, truthful, honest FACT. I can count on them. If they were to disappear from my life, it would certainly be palpable. Irreplaceable and entirely very important people. They are fabulous. They are their own people regardless of careers, educational backgrounds, social status, Facebook/Twitter status etc etc. And they pray for me! We all have such varying religious backgrounds and upbringing but if I ask for a prayer, I KNOW without any doubt, my name will have escaped their lips in prayer. I think sometimes before I even ask. I am grateful for them. And I will never let them out of my life, if I can help it.
Well I hope that will suffice the writer's block. Better luck tomorrow night. Although, I feel super content with this entry. Yes, I read over it and it puts a smile on my face. Here's to my Three Musketeers! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVE you...after all, we're friends!!!
So the movie tonight? Beaches with Bette Midler. I have never seen it before. And I will just say this: I'll be sure to lay on heavy with the eye makeup tomorrow because these big, round orbs are looking like puff balls right now. And it'll be worse in the morning, I assure you. And of course, after seeing a movie like this, it made me think of all my wonderful best friends. Yes, I have more than one because I'm fantabulous like that (in my mind I am and that's all that matters, you judgmental unknowns<--and I love that it's spelled with "mental" in this word; appropriate, don't ya think?). Yes, my friends. The best of the best. My three musketeers. I don't have the luxury of knowing friends from kindergarten and on. Moving around with dad in the military didn't give us much time to make and keep friends. But I have three awesome ladies that I've kept in touch with through the years since high school and on. And if you look at my phone and stalk my Facebook, these three ladies never stop "bothering" me!! They are namely, Rhaissa, Kimberly, and Savannah. Oh em gee, yes I did. I NAMED them. Because when I watched this movie, they were the first three that popped in my head. They are my Hilary's and CC's. We don't always agree. We are not at all alike...not too much. We all live super different lives. But boy these girls make me laugh, cry, rejoice, drive me nuts, and are always around. I can't get rid of them! Sheesh! Because I wouldn't choose to anyway. Ugh BEST FRIENDS...that's such a high school thing. Ah, but you don't understand. These ladies. They know me frontwards and backwards. They know my moods. My cycles. My hibernation periods. They know my imperfections. They know my thought patterns. They laugh at my idiocy. They lay it on thick with reality checks. They support and caution. They advise. They have been with me through the roughest parts of my life and I can truly count on them. And that is a serious, truthful, honest FACT. I can count on them. If they were to disappear from my life, it would certainly be palpable. Irreplaceable and entirely very important people. They are fabulous. They are their own people regardless of careers, educational backgrounds, social status, Facebook/Twitter status etc etc. And they pray for me! We all have such varying religious backgrounds and upbringing but if I ask for a prayer, I KNOW without any doubt, my name will have escaped their lips in prayer. I think sometimes before I even ask. I am grateful for them. And I will never let them out of my life, if I can help it.
Well I hope that will suffice the writer's block. Better luck tomorrow night. Although, I feel super content with this entry. Yes, I read over it and it puts a smile on my face. Here's to my Three Musketeers! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVE you...after all, we're friends!!!
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