CHOICE

So I haven't been keeping up with my blog. Ha, sorry to disappoint my two readers out there. You know who you are! But life hasn't been too smooth lately. I've been struggling with my foot in both doors, so to speak. Yes I want this, to no I don't want this to be happening. But I've slowly adjusted to the changes and realized I have some inner changes to make myself...some choices I need to make to start on the path to a better, more patient, more loving me. Mostly learning to love myself again. I've weeded as much negativity out of my life as I can, and now all I want to do is just become the best woman I know I can be to show my son, yes, you can overcome. You can break the chain of anger and it is possible to really choose happiness over misery. Love over hate. And peace over anger. I choose not to hate Jimmy. I choose to love myself. And I choose to have hope in our future as co-parents to Isaac. We are saving the best of our beings for Isaac and that is priority.  And being able to make that choice has made all the difference. So even though we've grown apart, we are still working together to protect this young boy from ever feeling like despair rules our lives or his life. I am finally getting the spiritual and emotional help I've needed and I am finally forgiving myself for the not-so-good decisions I've made. Because it has all been for my learning experience. And when I stand before God, the Father, I can't wait to tell Him about everything I've learned about myself, about human nature, and about life and everything in it. Yes, I'm a Mormon, but more than that I'm a child of God just like everyone else. We are all given the same opportunities to learn from our mistakes and it is never my place to judge someone else's situation especially when I've never been there. I feel in the short space of three and a half weeks that I've grown somewhat and I'm hoping I continue to learn and expand my soul to reach out into the universe, to feel the divinity and awesomeness of it all. Life really is good. It shall all come to pass eventually but I will endure and keep enduring no matter what.